Bitches Get Stuff Done (Whether Society Likes It or Not).
There’s a popular modern adage, “Bitches get stuff done”.
If you're unfamiliar, here's a funny crash course courtesy of Amy Poehler & Tina Fey.
Throughout college and in my recent young adult phase, I hold on to that motto because I find it to be true. In these settings, it comes with its number of conflicts but I can proudly say things always get done on my watch.
It wasn't that I didn't want to be nice, it just became clear to me that being nice wasn't going to get me the results I needed in an appropriate time-frame. I remember when I initially got into a few college organizations and how it felt when I was trying to get things done and my fellow organization members (mostly men) simply wouldn't take anything I said seriously.
“I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”
However, when I began to assert myself, I suddenly deemed "intimidating", "aggressive" and "bitchy". My need to have my opinions validated and respected was immediately equated with being a bitch and a less than desirable woman. The word "bitch" is used by men (and women, unfortunately) to control and modify a woman's behavior. For that very reason, the word must be personally reclaimed by every woman that's been subject to it because that's the only way it loses power.
Initially, it was hard for me to come to terms with someone thinking I am or simply being a "bitch" but as time went on, the stigma wore off and maybe in an act of self-defense, the word became mine.
It no longer hurt to be called a bitch because (excluding situations in which I was out of line), it meant that I was assertive, aggressively sought what I needed/wanted and I didn't back down from anything. If that means being a bitch, I'll be that, all day everyday.
The expected soft and nurturing nature has become an obstacle for professional and goal-oriented women because the image of an assertive, bad-ass woman doesn't fit the Susie Homemaker imageand whatever deviates from our expected image places us in bitch zone. Even in 2017, when we know that women could have it all, most people do not believe that we are capable of what it takes to get itall. .
As a black woman, I'm dealt an especially hard hand in this situation because of the tumultuous racial relations in this country.
Black women are inherently assumed to be aggressive because of our rampant stigmatization in this society and we are even further stigmatized when we hold ourselves in accordance with power, wealth and success.
Society doesn't want that, and that's why we must never back down.
Our society has successfully thrived on the rampant racism, degradation, misogyny and objection of women, especially black women. Even when I think back to the history of this lovely country, it was literally built on the back of slaves and immigrants with the women of color playing the central role in the equation. Our submission is valuable to the powers that be and that's why different mediums( in this case, the word, "bitch") are used to control and undermine our assertion.
“All the backpedaling and backstepping that goes on with powerful women today, with Hillary Clinton saying she could have stayed home and baked cookies and blah blah blah, and then offending everybody so that she had to say that she does, in fact, *love* to make cookies, loves it almost as much as she likes to trade agricultural futures. I mean, what is that about? All this I’m really a lady, I’m really a nice girl crap- who needs it? It really is nothing more than surrender.”
The question going forward is, how do we combat this?
1. Refuse to submit to being a docile and meek woman that doesn't push for what she wants. Refusing to submit is a silent yet powerful revolutionary act that all women, from all races and denominations can partake in.
2. Don't stress yourself trying to be a nice girl. Instead of worthless sacchrine, treat people how you would like to be treated. Don't feel like you need to go out of you way to make people comfortable with who you are. Be yourself and don't modify your personality to be "liked" because unless you intend to fake the funk forever, who you are will rise to surface in due time and all the social gymnastics would have been for naught. Whether you're a very nice person or not, you are worthy of respect and responsible for also respecting others.
3. Remember that you have agency over yourself and don't relinquish that power to anyone.
4. Stand up for fellow bitches. There is so, so much power in numbers.
All we have is each other.
xoxo,
Rachel.